It's a new year, it's time for new beginnings, right? Though this is true, I find that my life and problems from 2008 have snuck their way back into this new year. I wish that every new year, every problem just went away just like that, but I know life isn't that easy. I hope this year, I'm a much happier person. I've realized who my true friends are, and it did hurt to let some friends go. When I think about drifting away from a certain person, I feel like a bitch. Like I'm abandoning them, but then I remember all of those other times they screwed me over. Every time they treated me like shit, they took advantage of me and now that I choose to avoid them at times, that's when they want me. It hurts, it really does, but maybe it's what's best for my life right now. I really can't handle anyone else bringing me down, I'm sick of the competition. Truth is, I don't really care. Just let me live, let me be successful, and if you choose not to believe in me, well then oh fucking well. I guess I just grew sick of constantly trying to impress you, always trying to be better than you. I've had the opportunity to meet sooo many other great people that do encourage me, and I love them for it. Though we aren't the same anymore and though I'm aware of all of your flaws and though you've hurt me, I still love you and I will always be there for you, because when I gave you friendship, I meant I would always be a friend, even if you didn't always choose to be that way with me. Aside from realizing who my true friends were, 2008 also helped me become closer with my family, well...my sisters. They have become my best friends, they know me better than I know myself at times and they can always tell what emotion I'm feeling. I'm glad that we have become closer and I'm glad I'll always have them by my side. Only they know the real me, and this is truly enlightening because at times, I don't know who the fuck I am.
I tend to have a million thoughts running through my mind all of the time. I feel so many different emotions at one time, and other times I don't feel at all. I like the days I don't feel, because then I don't remember how hurt I am. This feeling of hurt...agh, when will it go away?
I never really believed that love hurt, but I've discovered that it does.
I just wish I didn't love him anymore. I wish I could just move on and realize he'll never love me back. But it hurts so much to let go.
So, there it is. That's what 2008 had for me. But it wasn't all too bad. I definitely had lots of fun, and I look forward to 2009, even if these problems still followed me into the new year.
See you soon invisibles.
Truly Yours,
idon'tknowwhoiamanymore.
